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Martha

When a vision is born

By Lida-Marie Saayman

I am living in hell from one day to the next. But there is nothing I can do to escape. I don’t know where I would go if I did. I feel utterly powerless, and that feeling is my prison. I entered of my own free will, I locked the door, and I threw away the key.

-Haruki Murakami

My child was taken by the social workers when the abuse started,in 2014 they said they need us to sort our things first, then they can give back the child to us.She started staying at Cotlands, but then Cotlands closed down and then they moved her to Rosettenville, to a baby home and now she’s still there, she is three years old.We didn’t sort our problems; the abuse went on and on, until 2016 and then I was invited here.The social worker said I needed to do all the right stuff and then they will give me my baby back. I just want my baby back.

The boyfriend is no longer involved; we are separated. There was a time that I told him I need him to help me with the things for the child, but I told himI can’t go to the maintenance court and force him to support her. He’s no longer doing those bad things. He says to me that now he is a good person, but I cannot trust that,because leopards don’t change their spots. I need to raise my daughter in a good environment.

I grew up in the Free State; I was adopted, because my mother, when I was born, she just left me,she was in matric and dropped out. I went to school, but I dropped out in matric, also because I was pregnant. My first-born is 13 years old and he lives with the father there in the Free State.

At AMCARE they help me to know where to draw the line,because I cannot say that guy was the only one who was wrong. There was alcohol abuse;we were drinking, just drinking. They taught me that I could be independent,not to be dependent on that guy.

My child’s social worker came to our place and she found me there with bruises, she said to me I mustn’t lie and say I hit the cupboard,tell me the truth and then I told her the truth, what is happening and for how long.She asked me what is the problem and then I told her, we keep on drinking, and then the abuse go on just like that, it didn’t stop, the drinking. Always when we are drunk,that’s when the abuse happens, cause when we were sober no one was abusing anyone.But once we drunk, both of us, we’re drinking, then boom, started the abuse.And then the social worker told me about AMCARE. I had nowhere to go,and I am scared of starting over. I am scared, but they told me it would be ok at AMCARE.I don’t drink anymore; if I keep on doing that they won’t give me my daughter.

I haven’t seen my daughter since August started, because the first week I went away,my father passed away. My father that raised me was involved in an accident,he just lived for two weeks with the machines and after they switch off the machines they think he will breathe for himself, then gone. And I had to go home, bury my father.Now I just need to sort out that I get to the child, because I am staying alone and the thing is I am scared that I might go back to that life and they will say no,it is the same thing, they are not bringing my daughter. Let me just go and drink again,drink again! It’s not right. I want my daughter, then I will have meaning for life.

They did want to bring the child, it was 2015, late, they wanted to bring the child,but when they get there I have bruises. They say no, we can’t bring the child here,you haven’t sorted out your messes. You still hitting one another, I said he’s the one who’s abusing me. They said, leave him, you can’t stay here, he will end up killing you,and then you won’t even have the chance to raise that baby.It’s better you leave him. When he didn’t drink he was a good guy, he even did my laundry.But once alcohol is involved everything’s changing.

I am trying by all means to be a good mother, to not do those things again,then I can have a chance to raise my daughter, cause if I go back there, where I was before,I don’t think I will make it to 2020, I will be dead.

The abuse took me from a size 36 to a size 28, I was so thin, but after I lived here you will never recognize me. If I said to someone I was abused they say they don’t even see a scar.

But inside, if you could look in here, you will see everything.

- Martha

Domestic violence statistics in South Africa are limited and it is hard to come by exact numbers,as so many incidents are often not reported. But,according to the SAPS over 64 000 rapes and over 15 000 murders were reported in 2011 and 2012,suggesting incredibly high levels of violence in our homes.The South African Medical Research Council has reported, after conducting surveys,that 40% of men have hit their partners and one in four men has raped a woman.

Martha, referred by her daughter’s social worker, was given a place at AMCARE in 2016.She immediately became part of the victim empowerment programme where she was sheltered,counselled and given the opportunity and tools to get her life back.The victim empowerment programme at AMCARE, based in Alberton,has been operating since 2002 and specialises in domestic violence and rape. AMCARE believes that once a woman ends up in the system she becomes prone to keep ending up in the system. Thus, their approach is to empower the women that they work with, to keep them from returning to the same cycles, so that the system does not become their rescuer.As is the case with Martha, many of the women do not have matric and often times,never held a job before, which made them completely dependent on their perpetrator and placed them in a position where they were unable to leave. In the four to six months that women spend at AMCARE they are looked after completely, social grantsare applied for and in the interim they are provided with three wholesome meals a day, and anything else they would require. Once a woman is employed, or has been given a social grant,she is asked to take some financial responsibility, thus teaching her to take control in becoming independent in all aspects of her life, so that upon leaving AMCARE she is truly capable,and in charge of her own destiny.

No woman goes to AMCARE to forget about life; instead it is a safe haven in which she can adjust herself to live a more positive life. AMCARE takes the trauma out while the responsibility continues,giving women the opportunity to be self-reliant, free of abuse and to know that they are worth it. AMCARE’s vision is to be the leading faith based organization empowering individuals with tools and skills to generate an income, uplift themselves in order to get out of abusive circumstances, and to live a sustainable life that they can be proud of.

Martha, inspiring others to choose against domestic violence.

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Annual Report 2022/2023

By Chris Van Wyk • 23 Feb, 2024

Get a summarized view of all our activities in the previous financial year. The Annual Report gives a preview of our services to the most vulnerable in the community as well as our accountability to being good stewards of the funding we receive. Download Annual Report 2022/2023

Positive Testimonial from Johannes

By Joeline du Preez • 17 Nov, 2020

With the help of generous sponsorships from Widney, Amcare has been able to help many in need, Many like Johannes. We know that there are still many individuals who need our help, but we hope to reach as many as we possibly can. We hope to bring relief to more like we have done here. This is what Johannes has to say: "Dear Amcare I am Johannes Khambule a client of Nontsikelelo who is a care giver of Amcare. I joined Amcare this year, I want to let you know about what I feel also to say thank you to amcare people about the food that they gave me. I am so gratfull about what you did to me, as I am not working for now but you Amcare made a difference to me, you bring joy to me and girl friend. I wish God can bless you as Amcare, can you please continue doing what you do to other people like me. I am so greatfull to join Amcare and with your support that you give me special with a care giveer that is looking after me. THANK YOU SO MUCH AMCARE. Yours faith fully MJ Khambule" With the help of our sponsors, social workers and caregivers we will continue reaching the most vulnerable in our communities.